Why does he make up excuses

Its a trend because its easy to get attention from multiple women with minimal effort. You CAN meet people in real life. I have never online dated. I have always met men in person. So much easier. You can tell immediately if you click.. Get offline and get out there. Im not a runaway model but people do say I am quite attractive and some of my girlfriends who are gorgeous also are experiencing this problem with men shying away in person.

I have met some really nice, intellectual men from dating sites so I see nothing wrong with it. So I would encourage you not to give up on on-line dating. The fact you keep entertaining them and indulging them in their excuses and not learning any lessons from it is something you obviously need to work on.

I think there was only ONE guy who no-showed on me once, actually had the balls to try again and told him to get lost. You were directly contributing to the problem and then wonder why its become a trend?

I was also speaking in general and on behalf of many women who complained about online men. I also mentioned that I did end up cutting them off. I do value and appreciate constructive criticism but unfortunately I received sarcasm and just harsh criticism instead. Lots of guys know that they are more handsome, intelligent, confident, witty and thoughtful online than they are in person.

So a real life meet is only going to reveal them for who they really are and cause disappointment for the woman. Hence the excuses and bail out. Add cold feet, really married, time wasting etc to the list too of course. Personally I would get a phone call into the communication mix because it reveals so much about a person even ahead of a face to face meet.

What a Great comments! Yes this is happening to me too! He will also pay attention when you tell him you are up for a promotion at work or that your father is in the hospital. Yes, ladies, when a guy says he only wants to be friends, he means it. Even if he does ask you to go to a movie or club with him — he means as a friend only. A guy who is into you will not say he just wants to be friends, so if the guy you like says this, believe him and give up thinking that you could be more than just friends.

His eyes and attention should be on you, and only you. If your guy is checking out every cute woman who passes your table when you are out together, then he is not that into you. Dating tips for online relationships. Either way, you move forward in your love life with a huge boost to your self-esteem, an attitude that men find irresistible, and lots of different options.

You gain power, positive self-regard, and choice. I hope this article helped you figure out what his excuses really mean. Want to find out if the man you want really likes you?

Does He Like You? Take the Quiz. Tagged as: excuses guys make , love advice , man decoder , relationship advice , understanding men , understanding what he means , what do his excuses mean. Vixen Daily. Of course, I fell for him. He told me how beautiful and desirable I was, and how he saw a future with me. He told me of his plans to leave his wife. Well, I guess it really was a summer fling. Of course, these are excuses. Am I kidding myself that there really could be a future with him? I just like him so much.

My heart hurts and I feel so sad on top of feeling angry about being led on. There are people on the website who have dated married men and moved on so they might have better advice.

From every story here and across the earth I will say that, yes, you are kidding yourself that there is a future. And the best way to get over anyone, married or otherwise, is to go No Contact and focus on yourself, making yourself the person you want to be.

Being a mistress, a secret, used for excitement, I assume, is not the life you envisioned for yourself. Even, if he leaves his wife to be with you…there is a taint on your relationship. Can you ever really trust him? So not worth it in the long run.

Plus, it gets in the way of you embracing your true destiny. It breaks my heart to hear that you carried on with a married man. The most UA of them all in my opinion. Being with him screams low self esteem. We have to be careful as women when we decided to sleep with any man.

We become attach in ways that can get beyond our control. I agree — No Contact for this cheating assclown. You are only fooling yourself. My version of your story is just a tamer one.

Anything to keep me hanging on. Then he tells me he is married and wants to continue on this so-called friendship with me. Exact words. Real poetic like. He had a way with words that would melt me through the floor. Work was one of them. He is feeding you bull. Trying to keep you hanging on so he can come to you when HE wants to.

To get the attention, whatever. Piss on him. I waited for someone once too. But I told him that I was confused about what to do, should I move on or wait for him. In my heart I wanted to wait for him and I wanted for him to wait for me too, but I was the only one who actually was consistently holding up my end of the bargain.

So one day I told him point blank that if moving on was what I should do or what he wanted me to do that he should tell me. Words I chose very carefully to see if he was actually thinking of my well being, or only of himself…but you know what he said???

I did, however, cautiously accept his response, but only temporarily until I came to my senses. When the time came for him to put up or shut up, he was all talk no action. And sure, he wanted me to wait for him alright, but not because he had any real inclinations of committing to a relationship, but so he could keep me as an option.

If I had listened to my gut, I would have spared myself a lot of pain, anger, and confusion. Had to learn that lesson the hard way, but never again…. It sounds like your gut is telling you that something is seriously wrong here, please please please listen to it.

In adult romantic relationships, most of us like to be monogamous. That means you have his love, and he has yours, nothing more nothing less. I smell a rat…. Like why are you waiting for THIS man in particular? Or how could someone who supposedly is so fond of you think that this is all that you deserve? They leave. You are not in agood place to start up anything new, least of all getting into OW position with an excuses ridden bullshitting MM. I played second fiddle for 2 years and it is a heartwrenching, demoralizing situation.

U and the FBG which is totally fabulous. The pain of going NC now will be nothing in comparaison to the pain you experience when you wake up 2 years later and he is still feeding you the same excuses for not leaving his wife.

I spent two years thumping my head on the back door. I hope you will seriously consider not going along with his charade and buying his excuses as well as making up your own excuses. When I woke up and discovered BR, I felt foolish, angry, and sad too. Sorry to hear about…. We have ALL heard it or a minor variation thereof. And his wife is not an excuse or even a reason. She has a legal right to expect things from him.

You, unfortunately or maybe fortunately do not. The man belongs to another and is unavailable! When a man is married, and you know they are married, they are unobtainable, off limits whatever. The mere thought of a man cosying up to another woman when he is married, especially if there are children involved, is disgusting behaviour. And any woman who chases, and hooks up with such a man is on a hiding to nothing. Thanks everyone. Well, I do — I was lonely and feeling bad about myself and I knew this guy a little from church before he laid on the charm.

And I tend to overanalyze things and so am truly puzzling over what is going through his mind. I know, I know, why should I waste energy caring, but I really am curious and I really want to stick it to him and let him have it.

Obama IS a world leader, but in spite of being SUPER busy running the country, he still makes time to take Michelle on romantic getaways and vacations! A male friend once told me that if a man truly cares for a woman, he will move heaven and earth to be with her. Yeah, its time not to accept excuses as the buffer he or she uses to get what they want and how they want it, while the bottom line is whatever the excuse for them not giving us a healthy honest relationship is irrevelent… we get the unhealthy relationship by accepting excuses and the healthy one by not accepting anything else.

Tell it Gina! As much as it hurts to let them go, sometimes ya gotta laugh in order to make it through… with that said…. You do what is necessary to make things happen…. NOT make excuses. Wow, this is exactly what I needed to read today. You are so right…we need to pay better attention to our excuses because they really do mean something,.

Again it is like you are talking about me and my EUM!! One particularily funny now that I look back with some perspective, not so funny at the time! He just kept coming up with more excuses. The good news is, I think I am starting to get it, and get over it.

Going on 6 weeks no contact and every day gets easier. I amuse myself knowing he is probably just panicked I will one day ask for an explanation, of which I have no intention. I recently starting dating a surgeon, a specialist, who is available so far so good lives in the same city as me not like the EUM who lives in the US, me in Canada and he is at a conference this weekend accepting an award for his work, and he has had time to call and text and Facebook me EVERY DAY he has been gone.

But he finds time for me every day, every single day, even when he is in town and has 20 patients to deal with.

He also teaches at the University at night. My point being of course that no one is too busy to show interest in someone they actually care about building a relationship with!!! It has been my absolute ephiphany sp? The ex was not an ex, even…. If my last ex is to be believed! It was indeed a very lucky escape, Grace! He was not only a Faker to me, but is a Faker to himself and to every single person in his life. Wow Natalie, this post and reading the new edition of Mr.

U and the FBG really got me digging deep. If I conveniently came down with a case of relationship amnesia and went along with the excuse de jour, I could continue to get my crack high without having to acknowlegde my underlying fears which was the real reason I paricipated in the myraid of excuses. How to Break the Cycle is a great addition to your new edition. As long as I kept the focus on what a ratbastard he was, I got to avoid my issues. I almost emailed the racing car guy with the excuse that I have been busy.

Thanks for your excellent post. Yes, it certainly is very scary indeed dealing with our own fears. Radio, if you can, stay with your fears and your self esteem issues. There is no doubt these guys are ratbastards and we can filll our journals with their ratbastardness. Mine is. And we can stay angry at how we allowed them to use us and then came up with our own excuses for continuing. It is is a never ending cycle, until we break it.

It is about us. It is about our fears. That opponent is me. It sure does to me! Thanks for that comment. I am a pretty formidable opponent too; I am beginning to see just how formidable!

Cheers runner; really good advice. Thanks for this, Runner — yes, it makes absolutely perfect sense! We certainly are sometimes our own worst enemies!! Well guess what? Natalie knows — of course she does!! Ah the excuses. He had a girlfriend and I had a boyfriend. Slimy on both our parts I know. I learned my lesson there. There has been and always was this undertone of something more. When he came back around this time and I asked point blank if he was involved or married, he admitted he was married.

Dangling the carrot. This time I was not a softy and did not fall for it. He wanted my attention, some ego stroke. Maybe the married life or life has him bored. That would not fly over well with the wife. It would always be on his timetable. And the reason, which he said it was because of his work schedule, he could not call me this time for a solid week, I know now is because the dude has a freakin wife!

That was the end of that. My rag is wrung out. I saw through his BS lie and excuses. Feel bad for his wife. It feels good to be able to have done that for the first time in my life!!!

Even if I liked him, I did not let that blind me from his crap. Now if only I can get that strong enough of a backbone to deal with some of the people I work with that shove stuff off on me.

Good for you!!! Friends can talk about those things, it may be a bit awkward for exes at first, but I think if both people truly want a friendship in the true sense of the word, it will show.

Your ex was either lying to you or lying to himself, just as mine was. Regardless of him being married or whatnot, we did get on quite well.

We did enjoy talking to each other years ago but I had to shut that door because we were both involved. He married her regardless of the deep conversations we had and the intimate things we shared. He needs to be talking with her about stuff like that, not me. Color Orange, I have read your past comments and have to say I see some positive growth in you based on your last comment.

Although not immediate, the work we do on ourselves does pay off. Good for you for making a strong affirmative choice. We have all been down the road of heartache and some of us are on the winding road of self discovery. I agree with Jenny. SO not about you!!

Yeah this is the guy that emailed then sent a text asking when he could call. I was worried I had said something wrong. I was blaming myself for nothing. I suspect that is the case because, while he said he could not call based on his work schedule, he was more than likely trying to find a time when his wife was not around so he could call. Which is a red flag. It was a solid week after he text me that he emailed telling me why he could not call work related and that is when I finally asked if he was married.

It still stinks. But, really, having intimate conversation with a married man does not sit well with me. You are right colour orange, if someone really wants to be your friend they are open about it. When its kept below the radar off wife or girlfriend then its not a true friendship.

The asshole I have been allowing to sqat on my life, calls me at last wednesday after 30 something texts then talks for two and a half hours.. My ex EUM had a long list of excuses, and I always aired that I never felt like a priority or special anymore.

Long story short, I finished University in the summer, he made my final year exams hellish with his drama and I caught a bad case of UTI which I was on antibiotics for, I was not sleeping and I was finding it hard to concentrate and him ontop made it a whole lot worse.

The day before he was supposed to see me I noticed him commenting on others fb walls talking about a night out same night he was supposed to see me. We had a huge row over txt because that was his way of rowing all the time and I just lost it, ontop of being ill I was even sick the morning of my last exam probably due to anxiety.

I was begging him saying please dont leave me I know this is worth fighting for, and he would say hes unsure because I treated him with disrespect, and I fell like putty in his hands promising him I would never disrespect him again….

Or something that removes you from the situation. As I think you know you need to get rid of him and go NC. The thing is im alone in Brighton, I have no family here and no solid friends.

Incredibly lonely, and Ive just moved in to a house with a couple of other girls but they seem to be having lives of their own. Im petrified that Im going to run into him every day because he lives here. I feel like Brighton is his and I dont belong here. I did the same when I moved to London and knew no-one except my ex. But there is a position worse than being all alone. I think most normal people find it hard to make friends when they move somewhere new.

Accept that and make an effort anyway. I hate that he is the only thing I feel I have here, when he mistreated me. I dont know how Im going to do this I really dont. My ex used me to cushion his move to a new town.

Congratulations on finishing university. So many options await you! Gosh Stephanie, your story reminds me of what I went through with an ex in my late teens and early twenties. I was in the hospital for a surgery and the only person that was there was my mom. Which was comforting but I wanted my pothead boyfriend to be there. He had to smoke a joint first. So he came in to see me for a good maybe 5 minutes…. I cried and cried and cried.

I felt so alone, so unsupported, so uncared for. The anxiety was a constant. And I would always go back to the sorry schmuck. When in reality he was the one being completely disrespectful to me. And I was this puppet on a string.

In college I briefly dated another guy. I was so wrapped up in him, I failed a class. That is permanently on my school record now and I get disgusted with myself when I think about what I put myself through over a GUY. It was like I just kept dating my dad over and over again. Me me me me me me.

I was in Brighton last year and I sat on the beautiful beach for a good hour. Wow the anxiety feeling is exactly what I had in the last several weeks of being with him. Definitely the right word to describe how you feel when your with these men. Thank you for your response colororange, it sometimes hurts just to feel like you were so low down on their list of priorities, and although I ended it i feel like I was the one who was dumped….

One of the most miserable times of my life. I have only one piece of advice: Go home. You need to be around people who care about you if you possibly can. I would like to go home but I have this job here till January and I like it.

Its so hard to know what to do because I feel constantly anxious about it all. My busy, busy dad. One conversation I had with the ex eum was about me pulling him up on texting me instead of calling me back.

He then went on to tell me all the social things he had arranged and gone to. I pointed out two things one by the time he had texted me he could have called me and told me the exact same thing he had texted and two thats a lot of socialising for someone only speaking to family because you are so down.

He then paused and said yes it was gutless of me. His excuse when telling about his cheating was equally pathetic. He was feeling down about his mother feeling unwell and a female friend happened to drop by and she left only to drop by later with gifts a book that may help his mother and a plant to cheer him up.

I hugged her to say thank you and one thing led to another I needed comfort I was very upset about my mother. Unfortunately I always excused this excuse.

I have dated a few guys I can think of right off hand that used that same phrase with me. Drove me nuts! As Nat says, no one is that busy! Reasons come with solutions. Excuses come with NO solutions. Sounds about right to me or is this too simple a summary? I knew he was a workaholic and he worked hard, so I made excuses for his excuse by excusing him on the grounds that he must actually be very very very busy! Poor man. And of course his time was way more valuable than mine. There was never ANY suggestion that he should stop being so busy and make more time for us.

No solution. He only works for the airline part-time — one month on, one month off. One thing I do know about excuses, though, after the way he showed such utter disregard for my feelings — he is one big sorry excuse for a human being.

Radio and everyone else involved with Mr. Of course not. I HATE excuses! Over everything. MM eqals double heartbreak Amy. If he was any kind of decent man he would of left his Wife, got his shit together and then met someone.

You can listen to his BS excuses all you want but in the cold light of day he is not a nice man and you will end up hurt. There are plenty of women on here that have been the OW and it never ended in them skipping off into the sunset together.

Why would you want a man who belongs to someone else? As a lady who has been cheated on it is a horrible place to be in. Think of her and ask yourself why do you wan this man?.

It is up to you however i dont think this will end up the way you want it to as he will probably never leave her. Why set yourself for more heartbreak? What a disrespectful looser! Moving on. Natalie, After reading your blog for some time and recognizing myself and my relationship I finally did bite the bullet.

I made so many excuses for him and accepted his excuses. As soon as I met him again he said all the right words. He told me how I was the love of his life and he wanted to be with me again blah blah blah But something was wrong. I felt dread, anxiety, sleeplessness again.